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As the 2017-18 school year comes to a close, and many mentors hold their final mentoring session, iC.A.R.E. Mentoring would like to look back at the wonderful memories and stories our mentors have shared with us over this last year. These recollections, our Mentor Moments, help us see what is working while providing real life stories to share about the impact of the program. With that said, here are 4 Mentor Moments that stood out to us among your many excellent submissions.

Mentor Moment 1

One mentor reminds us of the joy that comes with opening doors for our mentees. Just explaining things in a new light is sometimes all we need.

“When I’m explaining his options in life his eyes light up! He tells me, ‘I didn’t know that was an option!’ It gives me a good feeling that I know he is interested in what I have to say!”

Mentor Moment 2

A persuasive mentor discovers how far a smile can take you, and serves as a great example that some relationships take time, but can blossom into true friendships.

“I have been mentoring my mentee for several months, and he has always been very quiet and reserved. Sometimes, when I’m mentoring him, I must ask many questions before getting more than a one-word response. Last week, I worked hard to get him to smile by wearing a silly hat and challenging him to a smile-off. I would smile at him and he would try to frown back. He couldn’t do it, and we both ended up laughing. It was a breakthrough!“

Mentor Moment 3

One of our community group mentors let the mentees take charge of a project, and it worked out perfectly!

“We decided to let the mentees take the reins on this one, and we (the mentors) acted only as moderators answering basic question so to get them on their way. We split them up into teams to work on a project, letting them decide how to go about completing the task. We were thrilled to see the mentees quickly learned that working as a team was far more productive than working alone and divided. Soon mentees were bouncing ideas off one another and making progress.“

Mentor Moment 4

Finally, our last mentor moment shows that every session has a chance to be “the one” where you both connect. Breakthroughs can happen at any moment, be ready for them!

“I have only been working with my mentee for about six weeks and had made some progress in building a relationship with her, but I still did not have an idea of how she really felt about me. However, just before she was ready to leave our last session, she came to me and under her own volition gave me a big, spontaneous hug. I was astounded and barely made it to the parking lot before some joyful tears escaped. What an unexpected breakthrough!”

If you have a mentor moment you think we should hear, please submit yours to our Mentor Moments portal after signing in. We’d love to feature some of your stories next year! As this school  year comes to a close, what was your favorite moment with your mentee? Don’t be shy! Tell us in the comments, or share these stories with others using the social share buttons in the top right.

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With iC.A.R.E.’s last mentoring week being the week of May 14th, it is time to start preparing for the potentially emotional last day of mentoring. But what to talk about on a day that follows so many memories and developments? How do you prepare your mentee (and yourself) for a whole summer away? Here are a few tips to get you started:

Build Up To It

Don’t wait until the last session to talk about summer. Maybe your mentee is worried you aren’t coming back. It’s important to reassure your mentee, and help them work through worries they may hold. Start talking about the end of the year now, so when the last day comes, it is a lot more emotionally surmountable. This can help give your mentee and yourself some needed closure. You can also use this time to plan ahead for what you would like to do on your last visit together.

Talk About Your Feelings

It may seem counter intuitive talking to your mentee about feeling sad that your mentoring is coming to a close for this school year. After all, mentors are supposed to be positive and support the mentee , not the other way around right? In fact, this is a perfect opportunity to show your mentee you care and bond with them. Your mentee may be sad as well, and hiding your feelings could be misinterpreted as being less invested than they are. Don’t be afraid to express sadness that you won’t see them for awhile, this just shows you care.

Discuss The Summer

Lay the groundwork for your first visit after break. Give your mentee a goal to meet, like reading a book, learning a skill, keeping a journal, or writing down 5 of their favorite memories over the summer. Talk about your plans too. It may not be a good idea to discuss travel plans. Some mentees do not have those opportunities. But this can be reworded to say you are visiting family, taking time off, etc. Engage your mentee and ask them what their plans are. If they don’t have any, you can help them make the most of summer by thinking of some. Go to the park, find a new book at the library, try to start a new hobby like photography (with their cell phone) or get better at drawing. You can also encourage your mentee to sign up for  Get Up, Get Out & Go!, a free outdoor recreational program of the Cuyahoga Valley National Parks. Park rangers will be at our Family Fun Fest on May 15th to register iC.A.R.E. mentees.

Make Something To Remember Each Other

Nothing will be as great a reminder of your time mentoring as the memories you made together. But a fun way to close out the year can be to make simple memorabilia to give each other. Bead necklaces, wristbands, artwork are all great ways to show you care without breaking the bank. You can also spend some time with your mentee at the iC.A.R.E. Family Fun Fest on May 15th. Check out the April iC.A.R.E. newsletter to read more and RSVP.

How are you preparing for your last visit? Have you talked about the summer with your mentee? Let us know in the comments below!

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It can be a struggle to help your mentee learn patience. Why wait until later when you can have it now? iC.A.R.E.’s Systems Coordinator Michelle Fagan recalls one such mentoring session, where she realized if she didn’t show her mentee the value of patience, a temper tantrum would ensue. Here’s her experience:

The Thursday before Thanksgiving I went to see my mentee for our weekly session. I asked her the week prior “Would you like me to bring another game or a craft?” She excitedly said, “Bring a craft. I like working on those!” So, a craft it was!

When I arrived at the school waiting for my young mentee to pick up her lunch, I opened the box and arranged all the parts for us to put the project together. When she entered the room, she was ready to start. I explained to her that she must take a bite of food first and then work on her craft. This continued back and forth until the end of our session.

When we worked on our project I could tell it wasn’t going to be finished in time before she returned to class, and I had a suspicion that she wasn’t going to be happy about it. When I noticed it was nearing the time for her leave, I told her that I would bring it back in two weeks to work on it.

Well, that’s when it happened: the arms folded, the bottom lip poked out and she slid down into her seat. I asked, “What’s wrong?” and she said, “I don’t want to wait that long. Can we finish it now?” I explained to her that she should be patient and that it was OK if we didn’t get it finished today. I told her that it would give her something to anticipate and look forward to.

I said that some crafts could take anywhere from a few hours to several months to complete and this is what makes them fun. I told her to take pride in something she created to look nice and to give to someone else or keep for herself.

“Besides,” I said, “you’ll look forward to seeing me again so we can work on this together.” I explained that is what anticipation is – looking forward to the future. She seemed OK with that and I averted a possible temper-tantrum.

Have you had experiences teaching the virtues of patience and anticipation with your mentee? If so, how did you encourage them? Share your stories below!

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After thinking with your eyes closed for a moment, follow the link below.

Did you imagine someone who looks like these images?

Note what was searched for the images, “successful person.” This tends to be our default idea of success, and why not? A person in business clothes implies purpose, reliability, education, responsibility, timeliness, maturity, authority, etc. The idea of “suiting up” is so closely tied to our idea of success that even Facebook creator and CEO Mark Zuckerberg (a person very few would argue isn’t successful) is shown in the link above wearing a suit rather than his famous daily attire of jeans, a t-shirt, and a hoodie.

As a mentor looking to inspire ideas for 21^st Century Success and Believing in a Positive Future, this image can subconsciously become both the cornerstone of our mentoring philosophy, and a subconscious “end goal” for our mentee. We strive to mold them into our vision of success. But remember, it is our vision, not necessarily theirs or their parents’. See the two men below. At first glance, does one strike you as more successful than the other? If you were told the right one was at a job interview, while the other is the owner of a line of profitable repair shops, would this challenge that initial thought?

It can be easy to see instilling the values of “dress well”, “look sharp,” or “dress for success” as understandable, conventional advice any person should follow. But what happens when we forget our idea of success is our idea, not theirs? We must be vigilant that we support their hopes, dreams, and aspirations without instilling our own beliefs or values onto them. That includes career aspirations, and the clothing we believe gets us there.

Will all our mentees’ career goals be realistic? Certainly not. We’ve all had missions in life before we understood the world a little better. But what’s important (as far as iC.A.R.E. stands) is not to judge another’s choices of external expression, or career expectations by our own standards for the future. Resiliency, believing in a positive future, preparation for 21st century success are all principles that can be aligned with and support any career path your mentee may aspire to. At the end of the day, it’s not the suit that makes the man or woman, but the attitude, determination, and positive reinforcement from the people they have in their lives.

What ways have you tried to encourage your mentee to see the better side of themselves? Any tips you recommend for helping them realize their full potential? Let us know in the comments below!

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It was all smiles in Firestone Community Learning Center the night of January 11th, as mentors, their plus ones, and distinguished staff of Akron Public Schools and Barberton City Schools began pouring in to the iC.A.R.E. Mentor Appreciation Event. Mentors from BCS and APS’s many schools met to share mentoring success stories, and give advice to one another. As they chatted away, the wonderful Chef Skelly and his team of promising Kenmore-Garfield culinary students served drinks and appetizers.

Mentor Vicki Raynor with her Mentee, Ja’Meer

After an hour of engaging conversations, handshakes, and laughter, the iC.A.R.E. mentors made their way to the auditorium for the main event of the evening. As the lights of the auditorium dimmed, United Way’s President and CEO Jim Mullen took a moment to address the audience on the outstanding force for good their efforts bring to schools around Akron and Barberton, and the endless benefit they will be in their mentees’ lives for years to come.

Following the round of applause, Superintendent of Akron Public Schools, David James, thanked Jonathan Greer, founder and director of iC.A.R.E. Mentoring, for his endless passion for helping youth and reinforced to iC.A.R.E. mentors the difference they make every day in the lives of students.

Ja’Meer smiling with Laura Schroff

The night’s featured speaker, Laura Schroff, took to the stage. Schroff, author of An Invisible Thread, spoke about her own experiences mentoring, as well as the impact it had on her’s and her mentee’s lives.

Schroff spoke on her first meeting with her mentee, Maurice, more than 30 years ago, and how it changed her life. She learned to be grateful for the life she had. Though she didn’t have a perfect family life herself, she quickly saw it couldn’t compare to the life of panhandling and neglect Maurice experienced every day. Through her time with Maurice, she learned the value of trust and love in forming relationships. Indeed, her stories are not unfamiliar to the many Mentoring Moments iC.A.R.E. holds dearly. Schroff ended her speech by taking questions from the audience.

Jonathan Greer, Director of iC.A.R.E. then followed, approaching the stage wearing the same “124” name tag found on every staff member of iC.A.R.E. that night. Greer reminded the audience of the number’s importance. “This number,” he explained, “represents the number of mentees who are still waiting on iC.A.R.E. Mentoring’s  waiting list. That’s the number of kids who still need a mentor.”

iC.A.R.E. Mentors At The Mentor Appreciation Event

Greer then challenged the audience to fulfill a very important request: clear the waiting list.

“If every person in this room spoke to one person like themselves, someone with a caring heart that could build a positive relationship with a student, we could take these name tags off.” Greer then closed reminding the audience of the incredible impact they have.

“Super heroes, real super heroes, don’t wear capes,” he said, “they look like us.”

Mentors line up to chat and get signed books from Laura Schroff

The audience ended the night with a free copy of An Invisible Thread, signed by Schroff herself, with a chance to speak to her.

Have you had a “124 moment” and talked to someone about mentoring? If so, how did it go? Tell us how mentoring has changed your life in the comments below.

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You’re probably wondering why this familiar “dating break-up” phrase is the title of a school-based adult-to-student mentor program. Dating is like any other kind of relationship: just two people learning to understand each other. It’s about honesty, compassion, and respect. In that way mentoring can be seen much the same.

Just recently I attended a Bridges Summit County Workshop to enhance my mentoring skillset. Bridges is an interactive workshop that increases awareness of issues related to poverty through creating dialogue, changing conversation and catalyzing action. Now I’ve been mentoring for a long time and have been mentored for a long time, but sometimes as adults we inherently confuse mentoring with teaching and tutoring and oftentimes both construction and “fixing.” When we do this, we miss the meat of mentoring: The authentic relationship that is created between two individuals who may not know their commonalities until they meet and build a relationship with one another.

It’s true that mentoring helps mentees grow and develop as people, but the motivation to mentor shouldn’t be trying new ways to grow and develop your mentee. Rather, we should all be looking for opportunities to build bridges between our perspectives, and find new understandings for both of us.

Going to training sessions and professional developments like Bridges are so critical to remembering the “why” of mentoring: connection for connection sake. In a productive mentor-mentee relationship, the mentor can experience their own chance to learn and grow from the mentee. A bit of reverse mentoring can occur, enriching both parties with experiences and insights from the other side of the bridge. James Comer said, “No significant learning occurs without a significant relationship.” Well, that goes to say that if I want my words that I share to have an impact and the lessons that I teach to stick, I must have a significant relationship with the receiver of that information and it must be authentic.

Well back to the title of this blog “it’s not you, it’s me.”

At Bridges I RE-DISCOVERED that to ensure my experience with my mentee would be rewarding for both of us, I would need to take off my hard hat of construction and stop trying to fix them. Instead, I needed to start caring about my RELATIONSHIP with my mentee, not the REWARDS that could be.

So, if it’s not working this year, I won’t blame my mentee, the environment of the session, occasional overworked staff members, distractions, etc. I’ll stop, and before I do anything else, I’ll rhetorically say, “it’s not you, it’s me.” I’ll examine whether I’m wearing my yellow hard hat of construction or my magician’s top hat of fun tricks.

Now the phrase, it’s not you, it’s me, takes on new meaning and instead of a potential break up because of playing the role as a construction worker, now it tears down the barriers between us and creates an inviting, engaging and enjoyable mentor-mentee relationship. Ultimately, it’s not them, it’s me that needs to adjust, if I want to see adjustment. After all, I can’t give what I don’t have.

If you would like to learn more about Bridges or sign up for an upcoming training, follow the link HERE.

Looking forward to hearing your feedback.

Thanks,

iC.A.R.E. Director Jonathan Greer

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1) First impressions are hard

Between classes, homework, and even just waking up in the morning, school can be a hassle for anyone. Perhaps your mentee simply isn’t having a good day today, or may even just be tired. After all, we’ve all had our groggy mornings, and our mentees are no different. Being silent doesn’t always mean they don’t care, just that they may need some “quiet time” today. This doesn’t mean you need to remain silent however, and some days you may need to take the lead and hold the conversation. Keeping things light and digestible with some simple, no-brainer topics may be just what your mentee needs in the morning. One mentee related this to grownups needing their morning coffee, and we all know how chipper we are without our morning coffee right?

2) They may be shy

It’s not easy putting yourself out there, especially when meeting someone for the first time. It can be easy to mistake shyness for disinterest. When your mentee isn’t feeling chatty, try to make it worth their while and “talk for them.” Keep the energy (and interest) up by asking about their interests, hobbies, or goals, and seeing if you can find common ground or something that piques their interest.

3) They’re listening, even if it might not seem like it

It might feel disheartening to come see your mentee only to be met with silence, but don’t take this to mean they are ignoring you. As mentors have found in the past, just because a mentee isn’t talking, doesn’t mean they aren’t listening. Keep the atmosphere lively, and be ready for them to jump in when they are ready.

4)  What Do I Do Now?

We understand you want to move past the silent treatment to show your mentee how much you care for them. But what can you do if you feel like you’ve hit a wall? iC.A.R.E. Director Jonathan Greer has a few pieces of advice for the mentor looking to get more dialogue out of their sessions:

Give it time, they may just need to become more comfortable with you.

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and relationships are no different. Your mentee may be making the (from their perspective) best choice and taking a “wait-and-see” approach. This can leave you feeling like you aren’t making progress, but that’s not necessarily true! This can be a crucial time in your relational development in proving to your mentee you are authentic and here for them.

Use the materials provided in your mentor packet

Know you’re never mentoring alone at iC.A.R.E. Your coordinators are here to provide you with support every step of the way, and that starts from day one with the materials in your mentor packet. Tip sheets like the “10 hints for handling sensitive situations” are an excellent resource for finding common ground, and handling topics you might be unfamiliar with. The Mentor and Mentee Expectation Worksheets are another great tool for establishing what you are both comfortable with discussing, and what’s off the table.

Play a game, but have them choose

There’s no ice breaker like a fun game. Gently try to get your mentee out of their shell with a friendly game. Instead of calling the shots (and letting them say nothing) give them a few options for games. The key is to have them choose. Give them a sense of ownership, and a reason to interact with you. Of course, games can be more than just board games. Mentors can play charades, pantomime, draw or color sheets, or even break out a puzzle. We have several coloring pages for elementary students, as well as some advanced versions for middle and high school students.